It’s been five days since they died. Since they were killed. Both of them. My loving parents who I was very close with. As were my sisters. As were our spouses. They adored and were worshiped by their grandchildren. They are gone forever. There will be no new memories made. They are now in the past.
It’s unbearably painful.
Floods of emotion
At first even breathing was impossible. I learned to do that again. It’s like that with everything now.
They say time heals all wounds. It’s hard to believe that at this moment.
What is it like to learn to cope with such a tragic loss? It is as if all my sadness and fear and tears are kept shut behind a door. The problem is that all of my memories of my parents are also behind that door. I crouch down and peak through the key hole. Sometimes I see sadness. Sometimes I remember. Sometimes I smile.
Smiling seemed impossible a few days ago.
Sometimes the door get’s kicked open.
Sometimes it’s mum. Sometimes it’s dad. Sometimes both together.
They come bursting from behind the door in a flood of emotion.
The thought of dealing with reality right now is unbearable. I’ve become intimately aware that whilst grieving one has to manage things like a funeral and the execution of a will and estate.
It’s exhausting. Literally.
Walking beside us
Wise people have said to me that you never get over the loss of a loved one. In this case two loved ones, lost in one tragic accident. They say that you learn to integrate the loss into your life. That it becomes a part of you. Once I heard it described that as your heart heals you will have them walk beside you.
They will live on through us; in our DNA and in what we know about them "Dad would totally say that", "Mum would not be happy with that!" In this future there are there, with us. Living on through our memories of them. There are glimpses of this comfort. Then we slip back into sorrow.
Grief is a journey we must take. Whilst seeking to celebrate their lives.
If I could be half of what either my Mother or Father were then I will have achieved a great thing.
Their love knew no bounds. The community and beyond benefited from their warmth and generosity. The outpouring of grief and support has been a chorus of broken hearts. We deeply appreciate everything everyone has done from simple "I’m sorry" to hugs to friends going above and beyond to help with everything from driving, cars, airport runs, food, cooking. I honestly don’t know what we would do without you.
For those kind enough to make a gift we would be honored if you could make it to the charity my father was chairperson of, The Wiltshire Community Foundation – ad specifically to the "John and Judith Woodget Fund". They would have been "tickled pink" by any donations that helped them help others despite them not being around to explicitly help any more. A fitting tribute to their lives.
I love you mum and dad. I will forever.
Below is a picture of my beloved parents on their 40th Wedding Anniversary in 2013. Mum is wearing her wedding dress.
This image is from my personal collection and is copyright © Matthew Woodget 2013 all rights reserved and reproduction completely prohibited. Family and friends of course can contact me for a copy.